Math Identity

I have a great passion for mathematics education. Some might even describe it as an addiction or an obsession. I have ever since high school. Although until recently, I really did not know why. What I did know, was that I enjoy few other things in life as much as I enjoy learning about it and trying to create a better environment and experiences for all educators, students, and parents.

I have the best job in the world. Not many would agree and I am not sure that I could convince others. I can explain why I feel that way. I can explain why I feel like I get paid to do what I love. I can explain why when other things do not consume my time, I can be found on my computer “working.” I do not consider it work though. I consider it do what I was meant to do. I didn’t find my calling, it found me.

Let me explain. My life started as a baby born to a teen mom in 1971. I was placed into foster care. It was the times and that is what we did. Before my first birthday, I was placed back with my mother and we were living with family in another state. Most of the details are not important. I went to elementary school and was that kid that had to go to speech class because I stuttered until like 4th grade. It might have been earlier but I remember it was a really long time and I have always struggled to be able to be able to clearly speak and am not confident speaking.

Middle school and high school brought its own set of challenges. I was an at risk student, had chronic absenteeism because of anxiety of being in both environments home and school. School was torture with my little lunch card colored that “poor” kid color and in “those” clothes or even hand-me downs as the oldest in my family. It wasn’t that I cared about material things, anyone that knows me, knows I don’t and loathe shopping. But I felt judged, I felt less as the other kids, I wanted to be treated special like those “other” kids were.

They would often try to put me in the “smart” classes because of my math scores. Not my reading! I was the reverse of what we hear today. I had some trouble with spelling, structure, and grammar and grew to despise it. All the rules, exceptions, and inconsistencies, never made sense to me and I couldn’t remember them all. Sound familiar! Anyways, because of many stressors in my life, none important enough to mention, I could not succeed in the “smart” classes and was returned to the “regular” classes. The tried in MS and in HS and both times ended in failure.

In HS, I had great mathematics instructors. Teachers were also like magical creatures to me because I found that I always felt safe and cared for by them. They seemed fancy and I wanted to be like them where someone would think I was special.

I made it to graduation, escaped my current reality and joined the active duty military for 6 years. (I know I am supposed to “spell” that out but I like writing number as symbols and not in letters.) I found my way back to math education, earned a B.S in mathematics, taught MS and HS, earned a M.A. in School administration and Leadership, and continued to teach. I returned to earn 30 additional hours in mathematics and education, began as an adjunct professor at a community college in the evenings, and then came to the Iowa Department of Education.

I do “get” it when we refer to “those” kids. I was “that” kid.I was that kid that they put into shorthand and they hoped that someday I might be a secretary and then they would have marked me as a success. But they did something else too. They gave me access to become.

They gave me access to great mathematics teaching and learning that they gave to all the “special” and “smart” kids. They didn’t limit my potential based on what “they” thought I could do or my current reality. The prepared well enough that mathematics was not going to be the reason or factor that I didn’t “make” it and be deemed a “success.”

I often say, the active duty military got me out of the gutter and mathematics education was has kept me out of it. Could they saved me in the moment, honestly, I have pondered this question. The answer is NO.

As a HS teacher, I have struggled at length with this. There is nothing the school could have done to change my life. I had to abandon most of what I knew to be on my current pathway. That is Grit. For those of you old enough to remember “An Officer and a Gentleman,” there is a scene where a trainee responds, “I got nowhere else to go!” (30 sec video clip)

Yet, I made it. I made it, because others believed and gave me mathematics instruction like we ALL could. Not what ALL could in the moment, but eventually, for what I was to become. Did they still put me in shorthand, yes, did I still have to take remedial math in college, yes, but only one! I was always pushed to be more, not hindered or told to settle for what I was. I was prepared for what I was to Become!

So, there it is. That it is. That is the story. I do not share to say garner any other reaction than understanding for my motives and drive for what I do. I am not a Brainiac. I had to be taught and I had to learn mathematics. Still had to learn Number Sense two years ago. My point is, they gave this little kid from the NY gutter a future, they saved me.

Mathematics education saved my life. It is why I took this position. Nothing more, nothing less. It wasn’t for the public speaking or being in front. #notafan It was because if I can help save another person from poverty, then it was all worth it. If I can help to make sure mathematics is not the reason they do not succeed, then I honored and repaid what was done for me.

The world is not getting less technical, everyday it gets more. I would not need or use short-hand in today’s world. Just the other day, Gmail started anticipating my email text and all I must do is hit tab. WOW! We need to over teach every student every day. That is how we will prepare them for the future.

I have the privilege and honor to work at the Iowa Department of Education as the mathematics consultant. Some know me as the State Supervisor of Mathematics. The State Supervisors of Mathematics is the professional organization for those at state the DE level. It is how we recognize each other. It doesn’t mean I supervise anyone or anything. At best, I supervise mathematics, which is not possible since it is not a person.

But, as the designated State Supervisor of Mathematics, what that title does give me is access. It gives me access to people and information that not everyone has access to. Which means I can connect! I can connect other educator to the information. The information we can use to make better decisions to save kids.

So, this blog is going to be different than other ones. This is a Q&A to generate access to information, conversations, and other educators that I have access to. It seems like a crying shame not to share it when we have the means.

So, give me the question and I will tell you the best “we” know at this time. My responses will not be fancy, there might be typos, or something. Okay. I also will not give you answers or “the” solution. What we do is complex. There is only information to use to make better decisions.

I hope you all will give me some questions so I can answer them. The information will determine the length and my schedule will determine how often.

I want to dedicate this post to three educators:

First: Ms. Stagner from Camden, NY for being my magical creature. It was her first year of teaching and she prepared so hard for each lesson to be so understandable and precise. She gave me the access to great mathematics instruction and also showed me the hard work and care that goes into it.

Second: Is Mike Flynn. Last week I attended a virtual book study on Becoming the Mathematics Teacher you wish you had. I think it was the impetus to this revelation in my understanding of my own journey. (to be honest, I didn’t get my reading done before class so it was really class.)

Thirdly: To Tracy Zager for writing Becoming the Mathematics Teacher you wish you had.

Feel free to submit your questions here, hit me up on Twitter @apriliowamath, or email me your question at

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